Friday, June 06, 2008

Slowly Building…

New at Since Last Week:
You Don’t Mess with the Zohan

This summer’s schedule is really starting to upset me. Seriously…what’s going on here? I realize that the studios are really hesitant to release summer movies on the same weekend as some other summer movie, but come on here—can we please have a few options? And can I please have another movie or two to help me fill my schedule? Thanks.

So, last week, The Strangers dared to go up against Sex and the City—but the fact that inadvertently scheduled both screenings for the same night didn’t do me any good. And, this week, You Don’t Mess with the Zohan faces off against Kung Fu Panda. And, for once, the screenings were at completely different times.

Zohan screened on Monday, on campus. And despite the fact that I was once a pretty die-hard Adam Sandler fan, I was pretty much dreading it. But, fortunately, Sandler managed to pull through for us. Silly, yes. Painful, no. In fact, at one point, Jason laughed so hard that I was concerned that David and I might have to attempt to perform the Heimlich Maneuver on him. So, yeah. It had some really funny moments. And I was greatly relieved.

Then, on Tuesday, we screened Kung Fu Panda. This was another one that I’d been dreading since about November, when the AMC theaters started running that turn-off-your-cell-phone spot starring the panda. Every time I saw it, I cringed. Sure, I believe that people should turn off their cell phones at movies, but I would rather not have Jack Black tell people to do so. Maybe we could find someone else—someone a little less…well…irritating. Perhaps someone that people would actually listen to—instead of laughing at. Maybe Morgan Freeman. People listen to Morgan Freeman, right? But I was pleasantly surprised by the movie. As it turns out, the cartoon-panda Jack Black doesn’t scat once. And, again, I was greatly relieved.

Meanwhile, this week, I was once again amazed by the general rudeness of some people. Before both screenings, we had people completely disregard the big “RESERVED FOR PRESS” signs that were taped to some of the seats and just sit right down next to us without giving it a second thought. Now, neither screening was actually packed. No one was fighting for seats here. It wasn’t like they were the last two seats in the theater. Nope. They just wanted those seats, and they were going to take them.

Now, I’m not going to say that all people completely disregard the signs. There are some people who are very considerate of them. There are people who ask us if it’s okay to sit in certain places, and they’re perfectly okay with sitting where they’re allowed to sit—and not sitting where they’re not supposed to sit. These people I like.

The other people, however, not so much. This means that I really didn’t like the couple who plunked their butts down next to me for Zohan. Not only did they totally disregard the signs that remained taped to the seats behind their backs, but the guy next to me had clearly smoked an entire pack of cigarettes right before coming into the theater, and he reeked of smoke. And since I’m still trying to recover from my allergies, or whatever it is that’s causing me to hack up a lung, I wasn’t all that thrilled about having to sit next to a guy who smelled like a chimney.

Even worse, however, was the woman on Tuesday. You see, most Seat Stealers think they’re being pretty sneaky about it. They think that if they just sit down quietly, no one will notice that they’re sitting in seats that were reserved for someone else. Then there are the Defiant Seat Stealers, like the woman on Tuesday. This woman came into the theater with her kid (talk about teaching good manners to your kids!), ignored all of the available seats, walked right up to the RESERVED FOR PRESS signs, ripped them off the seats, threw them aside, and loudly announced to her young son, “Press seats. Sit down.” She then forced her son to sit next to me, which he clearly didn’t want to do—so, in the end, he whined until she let him move to the end of a row somewhere, where he didn’t have to sit next to anybody but his mom. Now, perhaps I’m a scary person, but I’d have to say that I’m much less scary than that kid’s mom.

So anyway…next week is another two-screening—maybe even three-screening—week. Yay! I’m greatly amused, however, that M. Night Shamalamadingdong’s latest, The Happening, isn’t on the schedule at all. On one hand, I’m totally okay with that—because after seeing the monstrosity that was Lady in the Water two summers ago, I’m still holding a grudge. On the other hand, though, after that horrible night, I made David (who wisely attended the My Super Ex-Girlfriend screening instead) promise to keep me from attending any future M. Night Shamalamadingdong screenings, so we agreed to skip the next one and go play laser tag (or maybe go bowling) instead. And if there is no screening of The Happening, when are we supposed to go bowling? Sheesh.

I suppose, though, that, either way, I’ve successfully dodged that bullet.

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