Saturday, December 31, 2005

King Kong (28Dec05)

We did something very different this week. In honor of Christmas With The Fam, we embarked on a trip to A Real Theater. Since we discovered The Cheap Theater on New Year's Day and have been religiously attending every since, I can't really remember the last time I was in A Real Theater. I'm guessing last Christmas With The Fam.

The whole experience was quite rushed. We decided on Tuesday night that we'd all meet at the theater on Wednesday. We'd been visiting friends all day, and we pulled into the driveway just as Dad and brother-in-law Ed were climbing into the car to leave. They graciously allowed me a pitstop before I had to jump into the car and speed away again.

The lobby of the theater was packed when we arrived (in Canada, they let you wait inside to buy your ticket -- or maybe that's just a part of the $10 admission price). Unfortunately, Steve and Suzanne, who were supposed to meet us there, weren't there. So the four of us freaked out for a while, trying to figure out what to do, until they showed up just before we got to the front of the line.

The local movie theater isn't exactly new and high-tech, but it is big and flashy. The uniforms are stylish. The concession stand is huge and covered in neon. The video games look like they're mostly from this decade. It's all quite unfamiliar.

As we were herded through the lobby, Ed grabbed my coat and shouted, "BE SURE TO GO PEE BEFORE SEEING THIS MOVIE!"

"Why, is it scary?" Steve, our brother-in-law-to-be asked.

"No. It's LONG -- and if you have to get up and leave, you'll probably miss the best part," Ed informed us.

"I just went," I let him know.

"Like, today? Or recently?" he asked.

"Right before we left!" I told him.

"You sure you don't need to go again?"

"Pretty sure," I told him.

As we wandered around neon signs and flashy video games and into our theater, I was stunned by the size of the screen. It was monstrous. HUGE! I was in awe.

We wandered down the aisle, and I tugged on Ed's coat.

"Hey sure to go pee before seeing this movie!" I shouted.

"Yeah. I think I'd better go," he said. And as soon as he'd settled into the seat next to mine, he got up and left.

Just because we paid full price for our movie doesn't mean everything was classy and peaceful. In fact, it was pretty noisy. People were especially restless (which makes sense, since it's a three-hour movie filled with big scary things and creepy crawly things). And one poor guy noisily dumped over what sounded like a bathtub-sized soda in the middle of the movie. I'm surprised it didn't flood the theater.

The greatest annoyance, however, were the three 12-year-old boys seated two rows ahead of us. I knew they'd be a problem from the start, when the one seated directly in front of me started bobbing frantically in his seat, probably in some sort of a sugar fit. I asked Ed, and he was pretty sure I'd be able to bean him in the back of the head with my purse, but I refrained.

After that, it only got worse. It was pretty clear that their mothers had gotten sick of dealing with them and had dumped them at the theater and bought them tickets for whatever was the longest. The kids had no interest whatsoever in the movie, and they spent all three hours doing one of the following:

1) talking loudly
2) hitting each other
3) flailing their arms
4) crawling around on the floor
5) taking pictures of things with their camera phone (and blinding Paul)
6) doing bird calls, which finally got them shushed rather angrily

I did, however, learn a lot from my experience. For instance:

1) Theater seats are uncomfortable, no matter how much you pay to sit in them.
2) Going to full-price movies is cool because:
a) the screen is HUGE!
b) you get to see previews of movies that aren't already out.
3) Even the expensive theaters have no way of making 12-year-old boys less annoying.

As for the movie itself, it was okay -- but none of us thought it was as spectacular as the carefully worded TV commercials say it is. It was longer than necessary. The creepy-crawlies were just plain icky. And Naomi Watts is still just a cheap knock-off of Nicole Kidman (albeit one who doesn't mind running around in the mud in nothing but a silk nightie). Adrien Brody, however, was at his best. Jack Black, though he took some getting used to, was actually right for the part. And Peter Jackson is still pretty great.

For a full review, check out Tony's.


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